Singles reaching out to build community
By Melissa Miller Gray
"Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence."-Walter Winchell
Finding a place of connection, a group of friends with similar ideas, pastimes, and life patterns isn't always easy when there isn't a spouse or children in the home. If it isn't church-related or work- related, the opportunities to meet with other singles in a healthy, safe environment can be difficult if not downright impossible to find.
Enter Singles Reaching Out (SRO). Formed originally in Springfield in 2003, SRO was founded by a group of people active in the Beginning Experience program. Beginning Experience works to facilitate the grief resolution process for singles who have suffered a loss through death, divorce, or separation, and through the program they are able to once again love themselves, others, and God.
Whereas the ministry behind Beginning Experience likens itself more to a support group, SRO is more of a service group, focusing on socialization. Full of activities and opportunities for connection and community building, SRO is the first Catholic-based group in the Springfield area of it's kind. The mission statement reads, "Singles Reaching Out is a Catholic organization designed to reach out to single adults to develop camaraderie and friendship with all persons of different faiths in a welcoming environment through monthly social events." And it is a mission statement to which the organizers behind SRO stay true.
"I was tired of hearing that there was nowhere to go and nothing to do, because those are things you can change. That in part is what led to SRO coming to be, " SRO president, Carolyn Nies, said. "We are a socialization group, a place to go and actively have different types of events and meet new people."
SRO holds activities eleven months out of the year in Holy Trinity Parish, Springfield. The events cover everything from an annual chili cookoff to dances, Mardi Gras celebrations to movie and pizza night. There are crowd favorites and some activities that number well over 100 attendees.
"We usually have 50 or 60 people attend, but we can have over 130 show up for the dances," Nies said. "We are really the only Catholic group for singles-that is primarily just a social thing. We don't focus just on Catholics though, we are non-denominational and open to people of different faiths. We aren't trying to convert, we are building community."
SRO says right up front it is not a matchmaking or dating service, but instead it is a safe, fun-filled way for single individuals to meet and socialize with other singles. "That isn't to say that a few people haven't found each other and happiness along the way," Nies said.
"Overall though, the group is about community and friendship. We form really close friendships and relationships, especially when you become part of the planning team," Nies continued. "Through SRO, I now have a core group of best friends, my inner circle. I always encourage people to get involved, because that is the special gift you receive-the friendship of others."
SRO events are generally attended by all ages, everyone from 30-80, but Nies does see the ages between 40-60 accounting for the largest number of attendees. To break the ice for a first timer, Nies generally always seeks them out to introduce them to others.
"I introduce them to others because I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable and feel like the new kid on the block because they don't know anyone," Nies said. "I spend a lot of time talking to callers on the phone so at least they get to know a voice or an individual, and others do the same thing."
The need for a social outlet for singles is not limited to the Springfield area. Katherine Elfrink, Jackson, was active with the St. Louis Catholic Singles Adult Club (CSAC) when she decided to form a singles group in southeastern Missouri in May, 2006.
"Over the past couple of years I had noticed that most parishes have great programs for their schools, youth, high school students, and married couples. The diocese even has great programs at the local colleges. There is however, a large, growing number of single and divorced people in our parishes between the ages of 21 and 45 who want to meet people and be included," Elfrink said. "I believe our singles group helps fill that void, and meets the needs of a special group for social and spiritual growth."
The first activity on the east side of the diocese was a gathering in a local, upscale restaurant, and 20 people attended, which was thrilling for Elfrink. "Considering we had not had anything like that in years, I was very happy with the attendance."
"Originally the group was for Catholics ages 21-45, ... we have opened our doors to others in the area. After all, that is what Christians do!" Elfrink said.
Although Elfrink was not aware of SRO in Springfield when she began the east-side group, when she became aware of it, the name caught on and the Jackson-based group is now also referred to as Singles Reaching Out, too. The happenings with the east-side SRO are a little less structured, but the group consistently meets on the second Friday of each month.
"We have gone bowling and we meet in the park and listen to bands in the summer-we are always open to new ideas! Right now we generally advertise through The Mirror and local parish bulletins," Elfrink said. "I hope in the near future to do what they call in St. Louis a Church Crawl. That is visiting a different local parish once a month to attend Mass and then have lunch together afterward, I think it will be a great way to network the group."
Networking and growth are important to Elfrink and the SRO experience, so much so that the group took a Mardi Gras trip to the Cave Vineyard Winery in St. Genevieve, MO, and invited all Christians- single or married.
"The Mardi Gras event was actually sponsored by Cave Vineyard," Elfrink said. "We thought this would be a great way for people to come and kind of check us out without feeling pressured into joining, and got to know us."
With each meeting and event, both the east- and west-side SRO groups are growing and building friendships and community. For Elfrink, SRO is evolving into exactly what she hoped it would be.
"I started the group just to make friends and have somebody to maybe call to go out and eat with or go to a movie," Elfrink said. "Being single does not mean you have to be alone. If you are divorced, or never married, or widowed, you realize how difficult it is" to find things to do and companions with similar values. "To me, loneliness is not an option. Through SRO we are giving people a way to meet nice people, make friends, and have fun, while still holding tight to our Christian values," she said.
Reprinted with permission of The Mirror. March 30, 2007.